Over the last couple of years of being single and actively dating, I’ve learned A LOT. It taught me lots of difficult but tough lessons like only share your space and time with respectful men that know what they want and always trust your gut instincts.
It’s almost annoying how accurate my intuition is.
I thought I would put together a little dating guide for women for all my single girls out there that includes everything I’ve learned about dating. I hope it will save you from learning some of the lessons the hard way like I did.
Date With Certainty
I hear a lot of women perpetuating the idea of scarcity when it comes to meeting men.
“I’m never going to meet someone”
“All the good ones are married”
The problem with dating with a scarcity mindset is that it makes you tolerate a lot more crap and automatically lowers your standards. If you believe meeting someone is really hard you’re going to cling onto any person you find.
I don’t know about you but I want an exceptional relationship and we can’t have exceptional relationships with mediocre men. I choose to be certain that the perfect relationship is coming at the perfect time. I heard someone say once “when you’re certain of the outcome you can afford to wait and wait without anxiety”.
If you believe that you will meet your soulmate partner at the perfect time it makes it easy to hold men to higher standards. Remember that you get to choose what is true for you. It’s really hard to meet men and I will have the perfect relationship at the perfect time are both just opinions. Neither is a scientific fact.
If dating feels hard for you I would choose some new empowering beliefs. Here are some of mine:
- I meet exceptional, kind and funny men everywhere I go
- Men love to date me
- My perfect relationship is coming at the perfect time
Raise Your Standards
This is really my number one tip for dating. Let me tell you I would have saved myself from enduring a lot of crap if I had held the men I was dating to higher standards when I first started dating.
Now if you’re not encouraging, interesting and supportive you don’t get to be in my physical or emotional space.
When you raise your standards you keep out people that shouldn’t be around you but you also make space for the man you really want to come in.
At the end of the day, my time and energy is something I will never get back and I choose to only spend it on people that are treating me well and adding to my life.
You absolutely don’t owe anyone any of your time and energy. Remember you’re the boss of you’re life and you get to decide who gets to be around you.
Step Into Your Self-Worth
- I did an exercise recently where I wrote out all of the things I bring to a relationship. I’ve written lists of what I wanted in a partner lots of times but this was the first time I really thought about what I had to offer. If you’ve never done this exercise I highly suggest it.
- Getting clear on exactly what is great and special about yourself will help you step into your self-worth and that alone will automatically raise your standards.
- When I got clear about what I wanted out of dating and what I was bringing to the table it became a lot easier to believe I deserved the type of relationship I wanted.
Show Up Authentically
- Do not buy into any of the dating rules. Just don’t.
- If you’re trying to attract someone to have a long term relationship with the best thing you can do is show up as your most authentic self.
- Don’t worry about them judging you or not liking you.
- If they’re not your person you want them to get the heck out of the way as quickly as possible. We don’t want them around taking up your time and space.
- By you showing up authentically you give the other person permission to do the same if they want. Hold space to have a real connection over conversation and see how that feels.
Ask For What You Want
- Grown ass women as for what we want.
- I wasted so much time dating just wishing so badly that someone would show up and bring the things I wanted into a relationship like magic.
- This is what we see in the movies all the time.
- They don’t show you the vulnerable conversations where you speak your needs to your partner and hold space for them to do the same. If your partner isn’t asking you what you want to create that space for both of you.
- This goes for little things like wanting someone to open the door for you to big things like how you divide up the bills.
- You can’t expect someone to meet your needs if you don’t speak to them.
When Someone Shows You Who They Are Believe Them
Do not give people the benefit of the doubt early in a relationship. If someone is acting selfish or rude believe that this is who this person is.
If someone is stringing you along or making their intentions unclear believe that person doesn’t know what they want.
I used to always try and give people the benefit of the doubt and talk myself into giving men so many second chances. The truth is peoples actions tell you a lot about who they are and how they feel about you. If they’re saying one thing but acting another way always believe their actions.
Remember, we don’t have time for men that aren’t ready to match our energy and if they’re not able to do that they need to get out of the way.
You can check out my podcast episode below if you need a little pep talk about walking away. Ultimately, I believe what is for you will not pass you. You don’t need to worry about forcing something to work or clinging onto something not meant for you.
It’s safe for you to walk away and choose to wait for someone that is a better fit for you.
When I first started dating I would overlook tons of things big and small that I should have been paying attention to. I was so scared of being alone that I would always try and work things out. I thought persistence was the key to a good relationship. Now if something isn’t working out or I find myself making excuses for the person I walk away.
This is kind of the theme of this article but I don’t want someone in my life taking up space and distracting me from finding my ideal partner.