I used to be the queen of holding grudges.
Forgiveness was basically a foreign concept. It wasn’t just other people.
I held grudges against myself too which if you’ve ever laid awake at night thinking about a mistake you made three years ago you know is a special kind of hell.
It took an immense amount of healing and inner work to get to the place where I could really let things go.
However, I recognized that by holding onto all my hurt and anger I was actually dragging my past into all of my future relationships and endeavors.
I knew I had to face my fears and really get to a place where I was capable of letting go of my victim role in life and take charge.
The results have been nothing short but amazing and in a couple of short years, I’ve been able to build a business I love, buy a house and live most days feeling pretty damn happy.
I think everyone has their own things they can work on letting go of but here are a few to help you get started.
Failure
This was a huge one for me. I had to choose to forgive myself for all of my past mistakes and screw-ups. I spent most of my life beating myself up about things that really didn’t matter.
I would use any failure as an excuse to beat myself up and just be a real jerk to myself. My inner dialogue used to be really toxic and working with my therapist to reprogram negative thoughts was one of the most difficult and best things I ever did.
Once I reprogrammed my negative dialogue I was able to let go of all of my failures and stop letting my past define me. Trust me, you don’t want to drag past mistakes into your present-day reality.
Leaving things behind in the past is so freeing and I’m thankful every day I am able to experience life without the constant negative thoughts about myself.
Being scared of failure can hold you back from trying new things and just keep you small in general.
I realized if I was really going to live my life in a way I was proud of I was going to have to give myself permission to fail.
Other Peoples Opinions
I spent so many years of my life worrying about what other people thought of me. It impacted every area of my life from who I dated to how I dressed.
I constantly felt desperate for other people to approve of me and I wanted everyone to like me. Sometimes those fears creep back in and I have to remind myself that my only job is to be the most authentic and true version of myself.
Being accepted for who you are is so much more satisfying than trying to mold yourself into someone you think will be more likable.
Plus I have found that the more I act true to myself the more I give permission to my partners, friends and family to do the same.
Spending time with people who are truly authentic is a blessing and I feel like I’ve been able to find friends who accept and love me as I am which is a really great feeling.
If I had kept worrying about other peoples opinions I never would have been able to experience how great it is to be accepted.
There’s only one you. The world needs you how you are. You can hear more about how authenticity has impacted my mental health on my podcast episode here:
Negativity
I used to be the queen of negativity. I was always the first person to point out everything that was wrong with a situation and was constantly complaining.
All of that was nothing compared to the negativity inside my head. I constantly felt heavy and struggled to get motivated to do even the most basic tasks.
I made a hard choice to really work on becoming a positive person. It didn’t come naturally to me and I spent a lot of time working on it with my therapist.
However, I recognized if I kept constantly complaining and focusing on what I didn’t like about life I was going to continue to struggle and I was freaking sick of struggling.
Trust me, it’s not a fun way to live your life. Now I consciously choose to believe thoughts that feel good and help me stay motivated and happy.
You can hear more about how I changed my mindset on the podcast episode below
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